As indicated in my previous blogs, this past Friday night was my first show with IndyProv. In my humble opinion, I kicked ass. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my peeps who came out to support me and see the show this weekend —that list includes friends, family, co-workers, and homeless people I bribed with Skittles (one package really does go a long way with those folks). The Talbott staff had to bring more tables and chairs into the lounge, that’s how many people we had in attendance…I’m a bad guessing-with-numbers guy, but if you are going to force me to venture an estimation (and you are, I can tell by the look on your face and the way you’re shaking your fist at the screen), I’d say the audience was a good three to four times larger than it “normally” is. IndyProvers, anyone back me up on this (or refute it and call me a no-good, stinking liar)?
Anyhow, the show itself was rockin’. Some of my personal highlights include making up a country song about having KY Jelly in my “crevasse,” being a senior citizen Native American backup singer, having to guess that I “invented” a Sexy Samurai Riding Sword (thanks for that awesome suggestion, audience members), doing an interpretive dance about constipation while wearing what was quite possibly the world’s ugliest and most-unflattering spandex outfit, being the gayest Robin that ever did gay while volunteering to let Batman do unfortunate things to me, “winning” Survivor and getting to perform a skit all alone while keeping five distinct characters going, “translating” a Spanish Soap Opera about The Conquistador giving a rectal exam before a Menudo concert, and a super-fun “encore” game of Spit-Take, where the whole objective was to say something so disgusting that you make the other IndyProvers spit out their water – on you, each other, and the audience. I think I can sum it up nicely when I say that good times were had by all.
Saturday: Bryrony and I somehow managed to drag ourselves out of bed at 8:30am and hit the road to do some camping! We went to McCormick’s Creek State Park, Indiana’s first state park, and enjoyed the rest of the weekend with some hot nature action. We made sure to take Izzy on the “rugged” trail to prove to us she is an all-terrain doggy; the trail is right on the side of the creek, and since it has been raining a lot recently, the water level is a little higher than normal and parts of the trail were underwater. That dog HATES water, but she ain’t got much choice when the trail ends and the options are to either get paw-deep and push on or get left behind. I was actually impressed and some of the leaps and moves she made along the trail…she’s more agile than her nickname “Fatty Fat Fat” gives her credit for.
All in all, an active weekend, and a fun weekend. Thank GOD I didn’t know over the weekend than Jon and Kate Gosselin were getting divorced, otherwise I would have been SUCH a hot mess, there is no way I could have focused on anything else! Okay, that’s not true. I am actually ready for them to be never mentioned again in the American media. Although I am sure they will now each have their own individual reality shows that will have spawned from “Jon and Kate Plus 8;” it’s like that show is a Gremlin, and someone accidentally fed it after midnight. In keeping with the adorable “mathematical” theme of their show title, I have managed to come up with a theme song for their new show(s). I’m going to go ahead and leave you with it, because, much like their lives, there’s nowhere to go but down afterwards. It’s an upbeat little diddy that goes something like this:
It’s Kate minus Jon, plus eight, times alimony
It’s Jon minus Kate, plus eight on alternating weekends
It’s tough to solve problems in this world we’re livin’ in
Solve for X, and you’ve got The Gosselins!
Those poor kids are doomed to a lifetime of reality show torture. I envision show titles such as “Gosselin Island,” “How Many of Us Are Cross-eyed?”, The Biggest Loser: ‘Jon and Kate’ Edition,” “I Survived My Own Childhood,” and “I’m a Gosselin, Get Me Out of Here!” Check Fox’s listings for full details coming soon.
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